My story with PB... concluded.

The story started here:

http://diaryofamadsoulsista.blogspot.com/2006/12/my-closure-bye-pb.html

So, it'd been over 3 years since we spoke but in January, we resumed our friendship or whatever is left of it anyway.

I wont get into the details, but from this experience, I have learnt that


1. where there is smoke, there is fire
2. Ountogaju, aawaa dero (whatever goes up, must come down)
3. There are no secrets in this world, neither are there mysteries. Just stories, waiting to be told.
4. A friend is only a friend for as long as she is friendly. Take it as that. Leave it, if that ship refuses to sail on good intentions.
5. Keep your enemies close, and your friends even closer.
6. Even friends, have flaws and that is okay. We are all humans. BUT Know what your friends flaws are!!! ..., before you get disappointed.
7. Assess both ends of an argument and never conclude, till you've heard each parties' stories.
8. Forgive! Forgive!! Forgive!!! (Really, it is not up to you to forgive. You simply must forgive, to survive the whole ordeal)
9. Let go, and let God.
10. It is well.

You.

I hope you someday,get to see this
But i didnt want to tell you it
You dont deserve a word from me
Instead, you may read it here

Because somewhere along the line,
you forgot that you are not the only one with feelings.

It isnt my fault that you're late.
It is yours.
But if i continue to let you hurt my feelings
It'd be mine.

Thanks.

As you.

...And if ever you ask, i will tell you. I did not stand up for you. I fought for what i believe was true
....And if you were to be thankful, i would remind you. I fought for what i believe was true.

I did so i wouldnt have to fight for my self. I fought, for my freedom to be preserved. Fought for my speech.

Love n Bees

I beg you, please! do not love me. Your 143s make me nervous because I know your sugar aint free, pleaseeee do not love me. This sticky type love that snuffs me, denies me of space this type that attempts to demote me to a suckle-stance this love that you so demand that i must appreciate, that i must accept, that i must want, this passive-aggressive type love that is governed by laws that i know is glorified hatred, this gangsta “you either with me or you with them so you better be pickin a side” type love this strictly conditional depends on the day, the time, the way, the how, the fucking weather, or maybe even the color of font you got tonite type love that requests that i be dumb type love, love that wants me to succumb to wreck...this sugar-sweet though i'm diabetic type love that you insist is my realest love, who gave you the damn right to tell me what love i will or will not ever know? Since when did God die, since when did you board that throne? I sure as heavens didn’t get that memo!
This "oh you off to the mall?, but wait... we should go together" - type love! the type that suggests we rock matching color-gears -type love THIS shit type love that attemps to suffocate what makes me, that attempts to block all light rays away from me this type love this "i thought i almost saw the rainbow there for a minute till you arrived at ma door for the hundrendth mothafucking time"-type love! LOVE... that places my wallet on a pedestal, praises my ignorance and blesses my pride, this love! Love? is it? oh, i know it... this "love" that requires that hands MUST be locked once the doors ajar, eyes MUST stay locked since we being watched type love love that demands rehearsals looking like two pathetic losers love like sugar type love.... i know this love, i felt this love, i once thought i had no other choice but this love... couldnt reveal the true cards to the world... Never believe what you hear till you see it, never believe what you see till you're it. Couldnt get no one to see it then but i'm good now, shame wouldnt let me tell the truth of this ...love, you call it? yeah...The love that admires my blindness, belittles me till i am hardly worth more than a damn material! I'll tell you now, i aint ma hair! Do you not ever wonder what it took to achieve this? Really,... do you?
I sometimes wonder…why, why, why oh why? i mean...why is it, so hard to catch a bee when we brewed from the same tree? Gimme honey, anyday. Your sugar is artificial. Gimme honey made by the busiest bees! Bzzzzz.... nice to meet you. Honey annointed by their buzzes lust after by men GIVE ME IT! Blind men seek it, but never will they find cuz you cant catch a comb till you open your eyes! gimme that honey that purifies even the dullest minds gimme that! that shit that strengthens your neck, erects your musles, keep your head standing tall, make you resonate the king in you. Gimme honey of eden, honey in the most brilliant words give me please! Bee sting till i cant be healed, let me ingest its every drop! Honey today honey the next honey to soothe ma greatest thirst… honey of ma lands honey of the milkiest trees off the coasts of Trinidad. Mix it in ma cocoa in the morn and ma cocoa in the eve, serve me till the combs run dry...Cest moi, Mademoiselle Hibiscus,...hold it to the tip'f ma tongue, hold me in the highest height of climax. gimme that juice till i cant wait to cum! gimme honey allday, everyday...as far as i'm concerned, your sugar is artificial.

Subjective reasoning for life!

I must say, i have been through quite a lot.
i mean; a lot!
but then i'm sure so has everyone.
we tread through sticky muds
lots of quicksands,over hills and have multiple stumbles to reach greener pastures.
but as we stumble, we find that hills arent hills, but merely stepping stones...





One flew over the cookoo's nest and apparently,
right over yours too.
somehow, you managed yet again to miss the breadcrumbs
and i dont have the luxury of time, patience, nor energy
to translate anything to you.

i'd say you're slow.
but this ain about intelligence.
this is about you, being you.
i mean,
it must have been real hard even for you, to manipulate twisted meanings out such simple lyrics.
somehow, you managed to exert that out of this???
you needed some wind under your wings did ya?
no qualms... i understand your need.
desperate for actuals, you some-funky-how, squeezed hopefuls out of breeze.
desperation is a bitch.

but honestly, i am glad.
if this is what'll evoke thoughts that'll motivate change,
let it be that...
because i know how much that is needed.

every movie needs a hero
but ain no hero without a villain
its your story,
you may be the hero.
again, i understand.

almost like a necessity,
you need a stepping stone.
sure! let ma words be it.
pluck littile memory leaves to remind you of just how deeply you were touched.

if it'll influence positive changes,
see what you see, as you see it
because i doubt i care what you think of me
you may however
marinate your mind in your ignorance
assimilate every ounce of it
reflect till you're motivated!
if it helps, hey!
again, i understand
that life ain worth none,without objective forces
and overcoming those, is what we live for.
you need a reason to go on.

i know ignorance is bliss...
but it gives faux visions.
just all illusions.
when will you ever be true to yourself?

if you cant see it now,
Denial, will you ever?

you once motivated me.
i'm glad to return the favor.
you're welcome.
sure, you may thank me later.


(OH MA GOD! i think this is my first "praya for a heiffer post" that i wouldnt swear in! i'm soooooo gettin better! yayyyyy)

My closure with a heiffer called "Denial"

Praya for the heiffer tuesday came a day early this week, enjoy:

Denial,
You must be allergic to the truth
Because even she couldnt get you to see it
and even if you saw it
you found it necessary
that you must open ur mouth
or is it ur hands?
or maybe even ur thighs...
and spill whatever garbage you seemed fit enough to
make me sound or look wrong in hopes that that
will make you look right
or is it,..
feel better
Do you feel better now?

but just like a feeling is a feeling is a feeling,
what is wrong is also, what is wrong is wrong is wrong

and boy oh boy,
were you ever wrong!
and as blind as a stray dog,
neither could you find your way to the right path

i know you're allergic to the truth
but i hope this here, "truth" is hypoallergenic enough for you

get you some epinephrine babygurl
because you about to get a full dose of the allegen...

you were wrong and even your shadow would tell you it
wrong enough that you felt the need to act wronged,
play the victim, hopin ur audience would eat that shit up,gulp dat potion, get all empathetic, believe your acts, and maybe,... get u sum brownie points for havin been thru it
Wrong enough that you felt it necessary to divert attention from the point of the issues... plain and simply that you were wrong
Wrong enough that you decided to take a stance in a spot where you really didnt belong. (now for the record, your point of view dont matter, but i guess i thought you were true enough to be at least honest... i realise now, than you cant expect honesty from an imposter. so i must ask myself what i really was thinkin).
Would you dare share with the audience what the truth is? Tell them what the story is? Can you bear their responses?
i'd dare you to share but then, whats a dare to a pussy but a total waste of time?
cuz i sho as hell ain lookin forward to watchin a pussy ejaculate pure lies!

You ignorant coward
how could you?
i guess thats "how" you "could"
must'a been easy for you since a coward ain got no spine.
You're one'a dem spineless excuses for humanbeings i've heard so much about!
You ridiculous waste of motherfuckin matter,
you ought to be ashamed of yourself!

you were wrong
and oh how i regret
that my liver just wasnt good enough to make ma right arm do it
smack u right across yo face till i felt we were even
that ma voice failed me
told you the honest truth about you till it made you bleed
that i wasnt assertive enough to tell you to...
Get the fuk out and simply, go screw yourself
for takin for granted
what i'd hardly give
you ungrateful insensitive selfish bitch!


because truly, who can fukin judge me?
you?
or maybe...
your incredibly superficial posse?
lmao!


If i had continued to smile
pretended that i was not bothered
acted like a true airhead like the resta dem and sucked all ur shit up,
you would have been happier.
BUT I AIN ur shadow
I SPEAK TRUTHS regardless!
if you'd like to commit suicide over it,
(then may i suggest using a gun and shooting ur leg first?
i hear its quite easier to die from massive blood loss :)
kill urself all u want, Denial
because this fountain will never stop spillin
what it knows to be true
and that simply is that; you were wrong
and you still are wrong
so surround urself with all the lies you can
cushion urself up in those imaginary clouds
and sip on that fake colada
for as long as you fail to see the truth
all you do and see will be just that;
fake as fuk

Your "friendship" is easy to maintain
all i'd have to do is just
be like the rest of them and simply,
shut the fuk up and pretended it was "kool"
but i am sorry because unlike the rest of them,
i ain no zombie.


So let this be the closure, Denial
this here, is my last letter to you after which,
you are forgiven
only because i know forgiveness is the only way to freedom
from boundages of regrets and wrongs
because i'd like to move on, Denial... So...!
fake up whatever u wanna shit up
shit up whatever you wanna fake up
nauseate urself till you get emetic all you want!
and spit with that your tattle taling tongue,
whatever fecal matter you damn well please
because ...
i have concluded the story of you
your chapter is now closed and...
the truth remains yet still, that...

YOU

WERE

WRONG

(period!)


In less than but a lil while of knowing you,
i learnt a whole lot of lessons
and hope that i can put them
into use later
for these lessons, i MUST say
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and fuk u to everlasting
with ma hard gijangic humongous imaginary dick ;)

Happy International Women's day!

To all the females i have ever met
to all the ones that might or couldve influenced me
to the ones oted in history
and the ones history managed to simply "by pass"
to all the ones i had been friends with
to the ones i am yet to meet
to the ones that destiny wont permit our meetings
and most importantly
to ma mother,
ma sisters,
ma cousins,
ma aunts
and ma grandmothers



HAPPY international women's day!!!
and dont forget,

its one thing to have a vagina
its another to be a woman

ejoy and marinate in this day
for it surely is dedicated to u

lmao u're such a joke!

u silly goose!
lmaooooo
u actually thought i'd call u back?
lmfao! u must be outchogaddemind!


so one'a dem called to ask if i called u
since it was ur b-day and all
so i asked her...


"um,... why in the name of reecespieces would i call a person who didnt call ME on MY bday?... are they ny more important than i am? "
"no... " giggles
"so wtf are u askin me such a dum qn then?"
"..." giggles


u ain nothin but a thing
a mere "thing"
i'm ur gratest accomplishment but u are being too much of a "thing" to recognise a queen.


u're such a joke.
cant wait till u call me to ask me why i havent called you...