Tarnia

Today, I got a call from the insurance company, and zapped up some hot water a moment after that
Amazing how quickly it is to get that hot once you're reminded.

got myself some water boiled ready to brew ma beefy beans

The case will be closed. Closed today. I was at fault.
"Because it was a one-vehicle accident".
I didnt bother reminding her that it wasnt my fault
that I was not even driving
that I tried to swerve to counter your action
that I, was only trying to do a favour...

And though I hadnt hated you in a while, i got a reminder of that familia aroma.
Sat my mind down ready to sip again.

Relayed back to the memories of your voice, angry though you masked it
Asking me why i was raising my mine
And of mine, unable to hold my cool
I'd forgotten what its like to be cool

because in the 20some days that I was knee-back-arm-fucking mind-hurt in pain,
i reinterated what it means to be "cool"
And realised that cool is irrelevant in this mofn situation.

You cant tell me about cool
when I spent months out of work
unable to tell the date and time
when my mind took silly little vacations
without prior notifications at all...
bills pilled up like sinners on judgement day
yeah, i lost my cool...
but that ain no big deal, honey...
it was NOT the biggest thing I lost.

When your mother called me to discuss payment arrangements
And to tell ME how to deal with the situation
~oh,.... there goes another sip...~
If only she'd been there, to tell you how NOT to grab a driver's wheel
UNLESS YOU"RE THE MOTHERFN DRIVER!!!

And so I hadnt heard from you since then... neither have I called you.
And I wont ever do, because if your conscience isnt good enough to force you to act
Then I want nothing from you...


~breathe! Breathe!! BREATHE!!!~

and there, another sip

of ma beefy-brewed drink.
because I'd like to pretend that I'd moved on...
But i hate loosing a friend... and my favourite car... and ma mind... and a pain-free body at 24, and my rehab-lawyer-assessment-free days, all in one night.

Its just something I wasnt expecting...
sorry.
Oh, and happy belated birthday.