Tarnia

Today, I got a call from the insurance company, and zapped up some hot water a moment after that
Amazing how quickly it is to get that hot once you're reminded.

got myself some water boiled ready to brew ma beefy beans

The case will be closed. Closed today. I was at fault.
"Because it was a one-vehicle accident".
I didnt bother reminding her that it wasnt my fault
that I was not even driving
that I tried to swerve to counter your action
that I, was only trying to do a favour...

And though I hadnt hated you in a while, i got a reminder of that familia aroma.
Sat my mind down ready to sip again.

Relayed back to the memories of your voice, angry though you masked it
Asking me why i was raising my mine
And of mine, unable to hold my cool
I'd forgotten what its like to be cool

because in the 20some days that I was knee-back-arm-fucking mind-hurt in pain,
i reinterated what it means to be "cool"
And realised that cool is irrelevant in this mofn situation.

You cant tell me about cool
when I spent months out of work
unable to tell the date and time
when my mind took silly little vacations
without prior notifications at all...
bills pilled up like sinners on judgement day
yeah, i lost my cool...
but that ain no big deal, honey...
it was NOT the biggest thing I lost.

When your mother called me to discuss payment arrangements
And to tell ME how to deal with the situation
~oh,.... there goes another sip...~
If only she'd been there, to tell you how NOT to grab a driver's wheel
UNLESS YOU"RE THE MOTHERFN DRIVER!!!

And so I hadnt heard from you since then... neither have I called you.
And I wont ever do, because if your conscience isnt good enough to force you to act
Then I want nothing from you...


~breathe! Breathe!! BREATHE!!!~

and there, another sip

of ma beefy-brewed drink.
because I'd like to pretend that I'd moved on...
But i hate loosing a friend... and my favourite car... and ma mind... and a pain-free body at 24, and my rehab-lawyer-assessment-free days, all in one night.

Its just something I wasnt expecting...
sorry.
Oh, and happy belated birthday.

Hope exists.

It been said tht your smile opens up to another world.
Like a window, but more than that...
complere oblongated space that leads to inevitable grace
a path, dare I say
A pathway to the beyond thats better than death
Unknown, though ever somehow ever so assuring.

I'd listen to your words when words forget me
And remember where I am, who I be
Who we is.
Us.

Not too many in this pea, baby
Not too many in these parts...

Not too many who speak to me even in their smiles
In the little breaks that barely allows a sigh, you glow
And I see you're not feeling this
Not here
Within yourself costless you got your getaway
And I'd remember your words in times when I've forgotten me...

Your smile.
A gateway to this next world I have no way but to reach
I have no path but to want
To be there with you
Wherever that is that you glow from
That space that you shine through
To wish it here
Your smile.
Gives me hope
That hope itself, is attainable.

Fat free

Its been a while... and lawd gawd i feel like purging!!!
Like i been full for too long, yknow?
And i wonder if thats why when i look in'a de mirror these days i feel like my midsections growing ever so laterally!
like wtf!~
this ain even fat'f the mind! this shit extended through to ma flippin sides!
i got love handles from not handling my mind like i used to.
Like i know to.
Like i simply, should.

I use to come here, write up, spit it, digest it all till it was disolved...
clearer.
and whatever didnt get clear enough was left there, for me to remember...
to chew up the next day.
Now i feel like a mothafuckin cow...
got three damn stomachs
1.side,
2.middle,
3. anf another fuckin side like one wasnt enough!

I need to redirect myself.
back to those days
when words didnt need to stay
they didnt have time or chance
or place
in me.

they simply were made
and immediately translated to words
and spit right out.

and i was fat free...

just like this.

fat-

fuckin
free.

whew~

Its been ages

I havent posted in so long. Partly because i forgot my password and had no way of retrieving it. And also because I didnt feel like posting. lol.

I'm now back.

yayyy!