Why not here?

I find myself thinking about you.
Intermittently.
And though I do, I still feel like I am within myself.
No loss here, no...blind walks, nothing like that nostalgic feeling of wanting the future today wrapped up in this moment's creamy coating,...nothing...like that.
I seriously do not feel blind.
I dont feel lost.
I dont find myself muttering your name in my dream as I resurface back to real
i dont miss my steps in thoughts of you, I do not...feel madly in love.

I feel something far from it, but remotely close enough.
Ever had a fall but had a faint prelude where you'd lost your balance yet, you could'a still held on if only you had not tripped that hard?
Ever?
Never?

This isnt what it feels like to be in love.

This is what it feels like to know that it is on its way.

And I will tell you now, I am not that scared.
Something tells me that though there is a reason to be afraid, I will never be able to love that easily again.

Hence why I picked up the phone...called another man...found myself doing...things I'd never do.

Stories of a damaged heart vessel.
in a diary of a misplaced love.
They say these things dont come back.
But you can train a heart to somehow, live again.

So no.
This isnt what it is like to be in love.
I know what it is like.

I cant ever feel that. I wont ever feel that.
Knowing I'd end up back here.

Problem is, I am here.
While you, are there.
One of us, is in the wrong place.

-------------- <3