Its my birthday today

YES, YES, YES, YET ANOTHER YEAR
FROM THE LAST TIME I YELLED
"CANT BELIEVE I'M THIS GROWN"
TILL THIS VERY MOMENT HERE
I HAVE SEEN, HEARD, FELT ENOUGH
TO KNOW THE ACTUAL DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN BEING 23
AND NOW

I AM 24 YEARS OLD
1 AM 24 YEARS YOUNG
AND ALL THAT IS IN-BETWEEN


what is life without lessons
for it is whitin those lessons
that we discover the true meaning
of this circle we call ..
"life"
I have learnt
to be passive
as it isnt a weakness
but a talent that only a few possess

I have learnt
to be strong
now strenght isnt my goal
it is the very drive that wakes me every morn'

I have learnt
to forgive
for nothing else can free u
from the boundages of animosities

I have learnt
to save
for if u do not live to enjoy it
u have families that will

I have learnt
to love
my self first,but others as much
for how can u love another, otherwise?

I have learnt
to move on
because life waits for no other
but no other- no one

I have learnt
to make friends
although friends arent always meant to last forever
they still are gifts from God

I have learnt
to follow my instincts
and if ever it was wrong,
i'd know to know better next time

I have learnt
to dance
for nothing else gives me more joy
than moving rythmically, to the beats in my ears

I have learnt
to laugh hard
because its the easiest way
to give my abs some exercise

I have learnt
to cry
because it purifies me
without all the physical fights

I have learnt
to write
for it is my therapy
tracks my memories, yet cleanses my thoughts

LETS DO THIS DARN THING THEN!

I WANRO START A "PRAYAZ FOR DE HEIFFERZ TUESDAY"!!!
AIGHT, SO HERE'S HOW IT'LL GO! ERR TUESDAY, I'LL POST A PRAYER-FOR-THE-HEIFFERS POST WHERE I'LL MAKE A POST IN HONOR OF THE MOFOZ I CANT STAND TO ACTUALLY PRAY FOR THEM. i BELIEVE IN WRITTING THERAPY. U WRITE TO HEAL (rigghttttt **rollinmafukineyesatmasef**) and praying for the pplz i cant stand will (i hope) get me to stop hating them so much because seriously, i think hate is a venom. it kills the soul within which it evolved. i dont care how this pplz feel bout me cuz seriously, dats their shyts. whatever they think only affects them and whatever issues anybody have is THEIR problem. likewise, ma issues with anyone else is MA prolem.
why a "prayaz for the heifferz tuesday" u ask?
because i cant be gettin no gaddem heart attacks from thinkin abt how much i cant stand pplz! i need to de-stress! and me thinks dis will help me a whole lot! aight! so today is only monday, hold ur horses, dogs and cats till tomorrow when i shall kick dis off!!!!

Nigg aint u neva been tol?! cant be passin ma # around!

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I've got a cooking date!!!!!!!!!!!

aight, just thought to share.. so ma one and only (ya, no... we havent broken up just yet) called to book a cooking date wid me... aight
se...
the thing is.... this nucc couldnt cook to save his lIFE! he just plain sucks at cooking! nigg couldnt even make rice! but u can trust me enough ain no wayyyy in this life, am i gettin tooo serious wid a man who wont be cooking for me so ya, he been doing it sometimes, BUT NOT WIDOUT MA SUPERVISION !!!
cus, ya, he neeeeeds ma supervision when it comes to cookin.
so if u kno me well, then u kno how much i luh food and how much more, i luhhhhhh a man cookin nekkid for me in'a me kichen!!!
so yes! tomorrow, i shall be gettin half ma wish! (no, he wont be nekkid)
he called today to mek an appointment with me tomorrow to cook something out'a ma fav cook book.... AWESOMMMMMEEEE!



dats why i luh him!


P.S
i'll keep u posted abt the food

Bettina Fletcher

I went to see Bettina yesterday. It looked nothing like her. Made it easier for me to deal with because i did not see the girl i knew in the casket. I saw a cassualty. A person who had experienced some kind of pain a nd as a result; died. I am yet to see her. I'll be attending her funeral today. In an hour i'll be there. Hopefully, it'll hit me then.

Bettina is dead, yet i dont feel it.

I am sorry, Bettina

I got the message an hour ago
Ever since, i have been regreting
Last time i saw u
u was on hi5
i passed through
without even sayin hi
didnt bother to add you
why didnt i?

Got the message an hour ago
You are now dead

"Bettina died yesterday"
"She jumped over a bridge downtown"

Jesus CHRIST!

what could have been going through your mind?
WHat could you have been going through
That made life so worthless, so ubearable for you

I am so sorry

To me, you were happy
sometimes "tooooo" happy
Giddy
Bright
Pretty
Ambitious
Smart
To me,you were definitely not suicidal
I mean, sarcastic and quiet at times
BUT DEFINITELY NOOT SUICIDAL!


Wish i had been there
to let you know u aint alone
To tell you you may talk to me
To encourage you to stay here- in this life- on this earth!
To let you know
that i too, could have done thesame thing

And then i remember
that depression isnt caused by the issues in our lives
It only merely displays itself
In how we deal with those issues

I am so sorry

Rest in perfected peace,

Bettina Fletcher, 1983-2007.

WHO DE ASS IS U???!

So i decided to write about my day today. Not because of any other reason than why i've always written: to vent.


So here goes yet another one'a ma lyrics:


Okay, if a person can not do for themselves,
do you expect them to do for you?
I remember back in highschool
Homegurl got mad- cuz her back wasnt had
but how u gon get mad
at someone who couldnt get their own back?
Do you expect of me
What i could not expect for myself?
and if i do not do that
that which would have matched and or surpassed your expectations
Must you speak it?
Let me rephrase that
Must you "yell" it?

I do not have
that
I do not have
them
yet i live!
i HAVE adjusted accord-the-fukin-lly!!!
WHo is u? that u cant?
who is you to question what i have
who is you to ask me?
who is you to make me feel so bad?

I do not have
not like i use to
when it was all abundant
when anything and everything was there
and whatever wasnt, could have gotten there
it aint like dat for me right now!
and since i have managed to get over it,
who the fuk is u to complain?
to make me so bothered?

And when i brought it up to u
who de ass was u, Not to understand?

I can live with mistakes
I can live with differences
But i wont be living with motherfuckers who depress de shicks outta me
Hope to God i never have to repeat this again
Because unlike most assholes i know, u're actually one i give a shyt about

P.S
do you not know that they (or is it "she"?) can hear u? or are u just that much of a &$*%?



Aight, as i have related it, it is now off my mind. Now i may go study ;o)

PPS:
whatever u read is always MY side of the story and that only... so judge (if u must) accordingly.