Inhuman.

I saw his pictures today.
On TV. Black folks on the streets in black n white... years ago... before i even was.
Let me tell you something...i dont think they did that for me.
No.
Is it possible to be inhuman enough to be so selfless.
No.
Somehow i know they did it for they; them same folks hol'n up posts, scribbled literatures of short words hoping to speak volumes on cards...
They yell. But words are words.
And sometimes it takes years. For those words to get to their ears.

And i saw that man, standing on that one podium, screaming how he had a dream.
I wonder what he would think if he was to be here, if he'd still dream.
If he'd scream his heart out into the crowd, yelling out dreams of freedom...
And if he did, of what would it be?
Freedom from white gods who hold the keys to the mass's senses, or from the contaminating influences of our time
Freedom from those gun shots chasing the people, or the black knukled shooter's range?
FREEDOM!
from the laws that permits a man to love his child in such disgusting ways, i cant dare to imagine...
freedom.... from a mother that makes her child bear it.
Free...
I tell you. We all want to be free. He wanted to be free. I want to be free.
I would ask if, if he was here. If he was still a dreamer.
And why he'd still dream.

But thats not why i write.
I write to thank him for doing for himself, what he did.
I thank him for doing for us what he did.
I thank you.
For being, inhuman.

Most respected. May your people learn to be inhuman, in ways like yours.

RIP, M.L. King.

Love n Bees

I beg you, please! do not love me. Your 143s make me nervous because I know your sugar aint free, pleaseeee do not love me. This sticky type love that snuffs me, denies me of space this type that attempts to demote me to a suckle-stance this love that you so demand that i must appreciate, that i must accept, that i must want, this passive-aggressive type love that is governed by laws that i know is glorified hatred, this gangsta “you either with me or you with them so you better be pickin a side” type love this strictly conditional depends on the day, the time, the way, the how, the fucking weather, or maybe even the color of font you got tonite type love that requests that i be dumb type love, love that wants me to succumb to wreck...this sugar-sweet though i'm diabetic type love that you insist is my realest love, who gave you the damn right to tell me what love i will or will not ever know? Since when did God die, since when did you board that throne? I sure as heavens didn’t get that memo!
This "oh you off to the mall?, but wait... we should go together" - type love! the type that suggests we rock matching color-gears -type love THIS shit type love that attemps to suffocate what makes me, that attempts to block all light rays away from me this type love this "i thought i almost saw the rainbow there for a minute till you arrived at ma door for the hundrendth mothafucking time"-type love! LOVE... that places my wallet on a pedestal, praises my ignorance and blesses my pride, this love! Love? is it? oh, i know it... this "love" that requires that hands MUST be locked once the doors ajar, eyes MUST stay locked since we being watched type love love that demands rehearsals looking like two pathetic losers love like sugar type love.... i know this love, i felt this love, i once thought i had no other choice but this love... couldnt reveal the true cards to the world... Never believe what you hear till you see it, never believe what you see till you're it. Couldnt get no one to see it then but i'm good now, shame wouldnt let me tell the truth of this ...love, you call it? yeah...The love that admires my blindness, belittles me till i am hardly worth more than a damn material! I'll tell you now, i aint ma hair! Do you not ever wonder what it took to achieve this? Really,... do you?
I sometimes wonder…why, why, why oh why? i mean...why is it, so hard to catch a bee when we brewed from the same tree? Gimme honey, anyday. Your sugar is artificial. Gimme honey made by the busiest bees! Bzzzzz.... nice to meet you. Honey annointed by their buzzes lust after by men GIVE ME IT! Blind men seek it, but never will they find cuz you cant catch a comb till you open your eyes! gimme that honey that purifies even the dullest minds gimme that! that shit that strengthens your neck, erects your musles, keep your head standing tall, make you resonate the king in you. Gimme honey of eden, honey in the most brilliant words give me please! Bee sting till i cant be healed, let me ingest its every drop! Honey today honey the next honey to soothe ma greatest thirst… honey of ma lands honey of the milkiest trees off the coasts of Trinidad. Mix it in ma cocoa in the morn and ma cocoa in the eve, serve me till the combs run dry...Cest moi, Mademoiselle Hibiscus,...hold it to the tip'f ma tongue, hold me in the highest height of climax. gimme that juice till i cant wait to cum! gimme honey allday, everyday...as far as i'm concerned, your sugar is artificial.

My closure with a heiffer called "Denial"

Praya for the heiffer tuesday came a day early this week, enjoy:

Denial,
You must be allergic to the truth
Because even she couldnt get you to see it
and even if you saw it
you found it necessary
that you must open ur mouth
or is it ur hands?
or maybe even ur thighs...
and spill whatever garbage you seemed fit enough to
make me sound or look wrong in hopes that that
will make you look right
or is it,..
feel better
Do you feel better now?

but just like a feeling is a feeling is a feeling,
what is wrong is also, what is wrong is wrong is wrong

and boy oh boy,
were you ever wrong!
and as blind as a stray dog,
neither could you find your way to the right path

i know you're allergic to the truth
but i hope this here, "truth" is hypoallergenic enough for you

get you some epinephrine babygurl
because you about to get a full dose of the allegen...

you were wrong and even your shadow would tell you it
wrong enough that you felt the need to act wronged,
play the victim, hopin ur audience would eat that shit up,gulp dat potion, get all empathetic, believe your acts, and maybe,... get u sum brownie points for havin been thru it
Wrong enough that you felt it necessary to divert attention from the point of the issues... plain and simply that you were wrong
Wrong enough that you decided to take a stance in a spot where you really didnt belong. (now for the record, your point of view dont matter, but i guess i thought you were true enough to be at least honest... i realise now, than you cant expect honesty from an imposter. so i must ask myself what i really was thinkin).
Would you dare share with the audience what the truth is? Tell them what the story is? Can you bear their responses?
i'd dare you to share but then, whats a dare to a pussy but a total waste of time?
cuz i sho as hell ain lookin forward to watchin a pussy ejaculate pure lies!

You ignorant coward
how could you?
i guess thats "how" you "could"
must'a been easy for you since a coward ain got no spine.
You're one'a dem spineless excuses for humanbeings i've heard so much about!
You ridiculous waste of motherfuckin matter,
you ought to be ashamed of yourself!

you were wrong
and oh how i regret
that my liver just wasnt good enough to make ma right arm do it
smack u right across yo face till i felt we were even
that ma voice failed me
told you the honest truth about you till it made you bleed
that i wasnt assertive enough to tell you to...
Get the fuk out and simply, go screw yourself
for takin for granted
what i'd hardly give
you ungrateful insensitive selfish bitch!


because truly, who can fukin judge me?
you?
or maybe...
your incredibly superficial posse?
lmao!


If i had continued to smile
pretended that i was not bothered
acted like a true airhead like the resta dem and sucked all ur shit up,
you would have been happier.
BUT I AIN ur shadow
I SPEAK TRUTHS regardless!
if you'd like to commit suicide over it,
(then may i suggest using a gun and shooting ur leg first?
i hear its quite easier to die from massive blood loss :)
kill urself all u want, Denial
because this fountain will never stop spillin
what it knows to be true
and that simply is that; you were wrong
and you still are wrong
so surround urself with all the lies you can
cushion urself up in those imaginary clouds
and sip on that fake colada
for as long as you fail to see the truth
all you do and see will be just that;
fake as fuk

Your "friendship" is easy to maintain
all i'd have to do is just
be like the rest of them and simply,
shut the fuk up and pretended it was "kool"
but i am sorry because unlike the rest of them,
i ain no zombie.


So let this be the closure, Denial
this here, is my last letter to you after which,
you are forgiven
only because i know forgiveness is the only way to freedom
from boundages of regrets and wrongs
because i'd like to move on, Denial... So...!
fake up whatever u wanna shit up
shit up whatever you wanna fake up
nauseate urself till you get emetic all you want!
and spit with that your tattle taling tongue,
whatever fecal matter you damn well please
because ...
i have concluded the story of you
your chapter is now closed and...
the truth remains yet still, that...

YOU

WERE

WRONG

(period!)


In less than but a lil while of knowing you,
i learnt a whole lot of lessons
and hope that i can put them
into use later
for these lessons, i MUST say
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and fuk u to everlasting
with ma hard gijangic humongous imaginary dick ;)

Ma first love

Sometimes i really cant help the memories
comes knockin on ma mind, seepin thru the cracks i sealed
all those things i really want hidden
those bugs in ma bed
the
tugs in ma shirts
all tha
rubs on ma breasts
even before they ever were

Who made this life so?
fuck lard i dnt even know where to start


I wanted to tell
I'da loved to tell you

so maybe you could'a clarified for me
told me it wasnt sane
told me it wasnt right
told me i had done right

I held it in
really didnt know what else to do

You were there when you were there which in ma tiny eyes really wasnt but a short while so when u were there i wanted the moments where we could play so i could store in ma head for those times that you werent there...
You were there though you were not there like you were only there to lay your head and like all other fools out there you were there to make it seem like you were there but really, you really were truly nowhere to be found

I wanted to tell you and ask you if i was still a virgin in your eyes
Or if this meant i was as dirty as i felt
i was wanting from you or any godam person out there what it was that i felt and what it was that i could do to cure ma nightmare but...
you wasnt there

did this mean i was more special to *** i mean did we have anymore connections? did we? did we? was this ma first love? tell me...

ma best friend wasnt there
we had about 9 years invested in this tight frienship but yet you wasnt there

and i am sorry that you wanst there

for as you wasnt someone else taught me what love was
taught me what fear was in love and that fear was love and as fearful as a little person can be i was that much in love but this love was unforgiveable unspeakable unattainable uncurable it was forbiden never been heard of love that really should never have come that type love like.... love was wrong love
i whould never have loved like i did
and that love should bnever had been
and that love should never repeat
but i know it happens and i still live it
and even in ma freams i
never thought it'd be real and
days and days and years and uncountable moments i was so sure this wasnt real i mean...

hadtabe a dream

tomorrow i might wake up knowing it was a dream but dreams dont hurt...
and i am hurt
not because the ohysical pain, no there wasnt no painful thrusts
and the rubs were not painful enough for me to trust
this hurt isnt from painful fists or tugs at ma skin
this hurt streams from years of confuion
years of uncertainty
years of durt that never washes away in the tub
years of years of feelin insecured
even before i knew what insecurity was
years of not knowing
what this meant
and after those years,
years of knowing what it meant
and more hurts yet still
nurtin from knowin it came from ***
burting from knowing *** thinks i forgot
and hurting from wonderin if its been redone
i mean i done grownup
but victims live in abundance
did u find a new love?
i still hurt everytime i fantasize
u remain in ma fantasies though i hate to see u there
i want to be freed
it hurts to remain impreisoned
u gave me a life sentence
took from me what u didnt own


i kno this love was unreal
because i never seen this love replayed i
never seen be the norm how
can u explain to me this dream i lived
how could i love like this?

"Jdfgst rh ajd"


i know that now
but u didnt teach me it

i really wish u were there

please tell me you were sorry
so i can see if i can forgive
and hopefully too,
forgive ma ***